WRITTEN BY AUDREY TEO

About 2 weeks back, I had an exciting opportunity to participate in the YMCA x B-Bar event here at Bold@319. This was a special collaboration with our friends from YMCA of Singapore as part of their #IAMWHOLE campaign, encouraging us to practice self-care by dedicating at least an hour to ourselves — Did you know that 10th October is World Mental Health Day?

The B-Bar Experience

The main catch of this unique event is that instead of paying for our food and drinks with money, we pay for it with our stories.

Wow! When I heard about this concept, it got me reflecting about currency, the value of money, and the value of our stories. This idea would not be sustainable in a real bar or café of course (we still need money for practical reasons). Nonetheless, I was excited to have this unique experience, to meet new people, have meaningful conversations, and to enjoy a good meal without having to whip up my wallet.

We chose our food from the menu, each meal came with a theme: Dream (future-based), Action (present-based) or Reflect (past-based) – albeit most of our choices were strongly influenced by our food preferences and not the theme. We scribbled our answers to the questions on the card based on the theme and from there on we had the conversation flowing for the rest of the evening.

Let’s Hear from Our Peers

Still intrigued by the conversations that came out of it, I caught up with Joy and Heni over their motivations and reflections post event. Joy is a close friend whom I invited, and Heni is a new friend I exchanged Instagram handles with after the event.

Here’s a look at what drew them to sign up for this event, their initial concerns and what struck them the most!

Q: I’m curious, what made you decide to sign up for this event, afterall it is not something someone would think of participating randomly?

HENI : “I heard that the event was in conjunction with YMCA's World Mental Health Day and I immediately thought that it would be an event worth attending mainly because I felt like I needed the self-care and self-reflection from being so occupied with schoolwork. True enough, the event really did give me time and the platform to just wind down and think about my future, my aspirations and my thoughts. For once, I was thinking about myself.”

JOY : “Personally, I have been having some doubts about my future career as I am unsure if I should pursue my diploma-certified career or another career of my interests. From this event, I was hoping I could gain some insights and advice from the other people who attended this event too. I wanted to listen to stories from new friends and to allow myself to have a 1 hour self-care break.”

Q: It is one thing to open up about my personal career aspirations and concerns to a close friend and another thing to do it with a group of strangers. Was it the same dilemma felt by either of you?

HENI : “The only dilemma I faced was the fear of being vulnerable with something so personal. I feel like my thoughts on my future and my aspirations are deeply personal mainly because I don't really have an idea about what they truly are and I was scared of being judged.”

Q: Stressors of chasing our aspirations was something I heard consistently through our conversation back then, did you recall those moments?

HENI : “I think there was a topic covered by another participant where she talked about how unsatisfied she was in her career life. That conversation struck me because I am afraid of uncertainties as well.. I soon pondered about how I'd feel and how I'd face this if I was in her position. She is on her next conquest to find her passion in her career line, but unlike her, I'd probably have given up then and there. That fact alone scares me as I have my parents to support, I am the only child and we're not that well-off. Till this day, I'm trying to snap out of that mindset of giving up. It's a little hard but i'm working on it!”

JOY : “One point that stuck to me the most was when another participant mentioned a method, which was to try something new for at least 6 months to gauge if that career is suitable for you. Through her experience as an art curator, her stories of finding meaning in her job really stuck to me and her advice has given me more comfort and encouragement in my career search.”

Managing Our Stressors

Hearing from Joy, Heni, as well as the other participants, I gathered 2 key stressors when it comes to chasing our career aspirations as well as some insights on how we could manage these stressors.

Stressor: Career path dilemma

During the B-Bar, we came across these 3 different themes: Dream, Action and Reflect. I was personally drawn to Reflect and Dream, which made me realise that I often get stuck in dreaming and reflecting but not committing to action. Through this event, I saw the value of articulating our Dreams, Actions and Reflections. Why? Because talking it out forces you to explore possibilities, express concerns, and you never know what other people might be able to advise you or who might inspire you. Most importantly, it could serve to alleviate your stress, realising you are not alone!

Get to know yourself better. Maybe you have taken Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) quizzes before or read a lot about horoscopes — well, here’s another quiz that you may find helpful. (Click here for the quiz — find out your Bold Career Archetype!) It includes a comprehensive breakdown of your: Mission, Gift, Shadow Side and Career Indications. This is helpful in exploring your possible career paths from the starting point of broad archetypes instead of the usual specific job titles. (Check out the 12 different Archetypes here.)

Stressor: Lack of confidence

Most of us found it hard to talk about our strengths as compared to our weaknesses. We ended up trying to recall what other people have pointed out about us before. Similar to Tip #1 for the previous stressor, you could take personality quizzes or even ask around for a third person perspective. You might be surprised what other people (especially those who know you well) might point out about you or what they could see you doing as a career next time!

We wrote a little note for each other at the end of the B-Bar event. Here is the lovely note that I received:

I felt really touched by her message. She pointed out things about me that I never thought much about and I really appreciated it. I felt encouraged by this little note because it affirmed the positive aspects of me. It does boost my confidence a little knowing how positively someone who just met me that day perceived me.

During the B-Bar, we all could relate in the aspect of lacking confidence. This led on to a short discussion of what confidence is and how we can become confident. One participant shared her experience about Faking To Make It. This reminds me of a quote I came across before:

“Fake it until you make it! Act as if you had all the confidence you require until it becomes your reality.”

— Brian Tracey

Indeed, sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and courage.

“Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.”

— Mark Twain

Maybe the goal isn’t to not be afraid, but to really press on in spite of it. Fear is not something that has negative roots all the time, most of the time we fear because we care about something or we want to do well. (For more tips, feel free to check out a previous article about Career Indecision: What You Can Do About It)

Final Thoughts

Of course 1 hour of self-reflection and conversation is not enough to give 100% clarity on what to do. Fortunately, we not only had valuable pointers and insights to take away (a great starting point for us), but also physical care packs, an encouragement card from the person beside us, and new connections with people (with whom we might collaborate in the future). Overall, it was interesting to hear everyone's story and nice to see that there were some overlaps in our passions or past experiences.

Never underestimate the value of taking a pause for yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone to open up to someone about your struggles. Sure there may be people with whom you regret opening up to, people who have downplayed your mental health struggles, or people who ridiculed your career aspirations — but don’t give up! You are not alone in this. You will never find that person who could help or understand you if you give up now.

Stressors of Chasing Our Aspirations: You’re Not Alone