In Seeking My Truth
When asked what we do at Bold At Work, often we regurgitate the spill that we are a platform that journeys with a young person as they transit across different phases of their life. For some it could be from school to work, others it could be across multiple jobs. This platform (as of now) does not have a mainstay programme, rather we invite anyone who is seeking to come onboard the work that we do.
That was also how Khloe, who was on her gap break from her previously job in the social service sector came to be a part of us. Through her recent experience, we explore what’s often left unspoken in this journey and sometimes that requires much vulnerability and openness.
A friend asked if I could come up with a story of self to share with a group of people.
A group of people who were not exactly foreign to me. They were similarly in the social service sector. I had thought it would be a straight forward process. After all, we have had so many conversations in life with different people and a myriad of experiences which make us who we are today.
However, when it got down to the real deal of deciding which chapter of my life to be crafted into a story to tell in three minutes, it proved challenging. I had decided then to rest my decision based on the profile of my audience.
I rehearsed a few times and strangely every single time including the final sharing, I told my story differently. What struck me even more was the response I got from my story.
Instead of hope, what was called out of me was uncertainty. I felt “offended” as it was quite the contrary of what I wanted to relay and what I had wanted them to feel. I had wanted my story to matter but instead it felt as if I was the one being called out.
I paused to ask myself “Why am I feeling this way?” It took me awhile to process my thoughts.
On hindsight, I could be subconsciously projecting my ‘learning points’ from my misadventures at the other social service agencies onto them. Perhaps, disappointed, perhaps, injustice. I had wanted to call out similar moments of the lack of understanding real needs or the lack of dignity in services in them too. However, instead of resonating with all of that, what surfaced were perspectives about me.
‘Oh.. what I heard was she was lost and still searching meaning…’
It really surprised me.
I had essentially forgotten at that moment that while my story was unique to me, different people would read my story in different ways. And in this process of writing my own story, it has given me a chance to revisit various facets of ‘truth’ in my past experiences and another chance at clarifying what matters. It had also taught me to be open and to understand my own emotions better. Truth be told, my stance soften, and I could sense myself letting in different perspectives.
My story was but one out of twenty over stories shared within the same place. Just like how the young man in the group who shared his story of his 9th attempt at getting a referee license, I too hope that despite all that l had experience that I’d continue seeking something greater, to live life less mechanical and perhaps find a community to hope together.
I am now ready to begin my next phase. No prizes if you can guess where next!
Writen by: Khloe Teo